Spacefem's Weekly Wikipedia Pregnancy Blog: 22 weeks pregnant

I call shenanigans on a lot of nesting, especially in pregnancy communities.

I see women who are four months pregnant posting pictures of complete, coordinated, fully decorated nurseries and calling it "nesting". Oh please! You just love to shop. Don't try to blame your pregnancy hormones. If you've been slowing down to gaze at crib mobiles at Target since you were 13, it's not "nesting" that makes you want to cute up a room of your house, it's because you want to decorate!

Now, I think there is real nesting, towards the very very end of pregnancy. But it's weird. You hear stories of women who have to break out a toothbrush to properly clean the underside of the toaster. I ironed a full set of curtains when I was in early labor, and my house has five windows per room. That's nesting.

For what it's worth, I also refuse to believe in pregnancy brain. Pregnancy does not make you dumber. Women are brilliant. I'll hand it to you that pregnancy can be a bit distracting, especially in the second half when there's some kind of monkey-acrobat kicking your insides. But you're still fabulous and intelligent. Own it!

Oh but back to stuff. Baby showers are on this week's topic list, and let me tell you they can go bad if you're not careful. I boycotted baby showers for five years after one tragic summer where I just SNAPPED and couldn't take one more chocolate-in-the-diaper game. Here's my general advice for things to know before planning yours:

  • Keep your audience in mind. If there are going to be some non-moms there, poll a non-mom to make sure your games are too painfully awful.
  • Don't talk about poop. Just... please.
  • Don't register for baby clothes, baby lotion, toys or blankets. These things have a way of just magically showing up at baby showers. It turns out you're not even supposed to lotion up tiny babies anymore... I won't go into details, let's just say I have enough baby lotion to moisturize some kind of baby militia.
  • Serve alcohol. Go to a liquor store and buy it yourself, it's a blast! Okay, if your friends aren't drinkers maybe it's not that big a deal, but I loved being able to let someone else drink even if I couldn't. And pregnancy made me feel so damn wholesome, I loved sporting a bump and walking around with a liter of tequila, even if I wouldn't drink it I just felt hysterial having it.
  • If you've boycotted baby showers in the past, send some personal notes apologizing to those you've wronged, maybe with a starbucks card attached. Uh, just saying.

I loved my baby shower, we played "pin the fetus on the spacefem", there were crafts and stickers, my sister and best friend made some adorable monster cupcakes. I had one with out-of-town family too... all the aunts and cousins who've known me all my life and were so happy that I was pregnant. Just keep the baby showers fun, ladies. No poop games.

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